What a lie I'm living
by stick.me.with.a.needle
Summary: Leah Clearwater thought escaping will sort out all her problems. But she never expected to go back to the place that brought her nothing but misery. What will she do when a certain member demands to be acknowledged? Rated T for swearing
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **_**I do not own Twilight; if I did I would have made Edward kill Bella, for wasting the reader's and my time, with her selfish skinny butt, when she was going to die anyway. And not only that, she had a SPAWN! How dare she get everything handed to her in a golden platter, where as poor poor Leah gets treated like crap for her world turning to shit. And then making Jacob imprint on the SPAWN, paedophilia much? Okay getting out of hand here, sorry to all Bella fans, but I couldn't help myself, I had to rant.**_

**(****Hey Faye here, Ellie's sister, well if it was me who wrote twilight I would have committed suicide after writing such a terrible series I MEAN COME ON! VAMPIRES THAT SPARKLE, I HAD NO IDEA VAMPIRES WERE FAIRIES! But I think that the wolf pack and Jacobs story needs to be told so give it up for Ellie who worked really hard on this. You guys are gonna love it. PS. I will be uploading some fic's too soon so stay tuned...)**

**AN: This is I, as in Ellie's, first fic so please be nice, no flaming and do review I would like to hear from you guys...**

**Ps. I need a BETA reader, so if anyone's interested please let me know.**

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**Prologue**

Leave it all behind

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The wilderness surrounded him; its landscape almost breathtaking, yet still so dangerous and as much as a threat now as it was then. The trees roared to life, as the gust of wind blew now ever so ferociously, almost as if, it was warning him. Yet he still sat on the cliff, taking it all in.

He knew she was there, waiting to be acknowledged by him but he still didn't turn around. The moon glowed up ahead, as they both soaked in its supernatural magic, they were wolves after all. It was almost as if the properties of its glow suddenly kindled a fire within her, finally having enough of the silence. Leah Clearwater was a lot of things, but being quiet was never her forte, so she stepped up, head held high, and she was damn well going to say what she came to say. Yet suddenly she found her self strangely losing all her confidence as she stood behind him now. But knowing that she had to do this, determined, she went on forward.

"I'm leaving," Leah whispered. He still didn't turn around, he knew one day she would say those words and thought that he wouldn't even be affected by it, she was a bitch after all, literally; but shit guess it did sting a little. And for that little spark of emotion, he didn't understand why it stung. He glanced at the moon one last time and finally stood up, turning around to look at her. He was abruptly consumed by guilt just at the appearance of her casted broken arm and yellow fading bruises. He knows that wolves heal quickly, and the cast will be out in a few hours, nevertheless it didn't stop his thoughts on how he should have been there to protect her, but all he could think about was his messed up imprint.

Her fierce resolute eyes stood out, jet black short hair, and the most exotic features, with a killer body to boot. Even when she's broken, Leah Clearwater is beautiful.

His eyes softened just by looking at her, as feelings of sadness, guilt, and confusion ran past him. Leah didn't show that she was affected by what she saw in his eyes, and frankly to be honest; right now she didn't give a damn. Why should she when he didn't give a crap about _her_.

"Where will you go?" he didn't have the heart to tell her to stay, confusion was still clouding his mind on why he wanted her to, at that moment the imprint pull tugged on him to forget about her, but his inner wolf was having none of that; wanting to stay near her.

She glared at him then at listening to his hurt tenor, to show that she thought it was his fault she was leaving, to let him live in his guilt.

"Any where but here." Leah replied.

"Do you..." he started but she cut him off.

"I was thinking of maybe travelling for awhile, who knows. Seth doesn't need me right now, he needs to finish school first; but maybe when I finally settle down somewhere, I'll send for Seth. Can't leave him behind in this shit hole, so don't expect him to stay wolf, if I have it my way." She was trying to get a rise out of him, but he wouldn't let the anger consume him like the way it always did whenever she was around. They couldn't even go on for a minute without trying to kill each other.

She locked her deep hazel eyes on him then, pausing to think her words through giving him a calculating glance, then deciding to just be straight forward and just get on with it.

She opened her mouth to speak again carefully watching him, "I just came to say goodbye, and then I'm leaving."

He was startled from her statement, _so soon_, he thought.

"What? Now? Why couldn't you warn me before hand?" he stammered out, his tone suddenly laced with anger.

She snarled at him, looking at his frowning face lips curled up, "I didn't come to ask for permission, I'm telling you about it, you may be my Alpha but I don't need you to decide anything for me. Besides the council knows, even if they had decided to not let me go I would have still up and left."

Her face marred into a permanent scowl, she wasn't going to take any shit from him, didn't care that he was the so called leader of the pack. She had finally found out on her own that she was the Alpha female, when she suddenly found herself commanding Seth to leave her be, he had went completely rigid and ran out the room, his tail between his legs. She was shocked when he later confessed and demanded to know how she did that; the wolf in her knew her importance even if others in her pack did not. She wasn't just a normal one of a kind female shifter, so much for tribal history and the so called elder's confusion of how she ended up even being a shifter when she had demanded to old Quil why she had suddenly acquired these qualities of an Alpha. She may be a bigger freak between the other anomalies, but guess what bitches she was the special kind of freak.

He glared down at her, how dare she, give him such disrespect! He was and is the Alpha.

He made a step towards her, enraged, his face inches towards her own.

"Did you think I'll just let you up and leave? You have responsibilities here Leah; don't forget I can Alpha command you to stay."

"Well fuck you! You have no right! No right at all to tie me down to anything. How dare you tell me about my responsibilities? You and I both know that I have done every bloody' thing, followed every bloody' rule! Yet you claim yourself as a self righteous pig, who may I add, (she quoted with her hands) 'does his so called job,' you don't do shit." Oh yeah, she was angry. Gnashing her teeth, fury rolling through her body, she was trying so hard to reign in her control and to not phase, and rip his Alpha package off.

"And we all know what an idiot of an Alpha you really are, revolving everything around that bitch and always putting us in danger, LOOK AT ME!" She thundered out.

He stopped; the anger vanished immediately replaced by immense amount of guilt. He was sorry, he truly was very sorry for not protecting her, taking care of her. But he knew no matter what he said she wouldn't believe him. His inner wolf howled in misery, watching her in pain. What could he do to make everything all right again? No matter how many times he told himself that she was a bitch, beneath it all he still cared about her, more than anyone could ever understand, hell even he didn't understand his own intentions towards her.

"You don't have anything to say for your self now do you?" she continued. Leah turned around and started walking off, a part of her residing wolf wanted to stay and be there for him, but even the wolf in her knew it was useless, he was never theirs to begin with, and the she-wolf whimpered at that loss. She looked at him once again before she reached her car, a couple of her belongings inside the trunk.

"This is my final goodbye, see you... I hope never again, Black." And with that she clambered in her car and slammed the door shut. She had to stay strong, and keep the tears at bay, maybe she'll cry later but not in front of him, she will never be weak in front of him again. In fact, she would never be weak in front of anyone ever again. Guess Leah Clearwater was never that strong, if she was she never would have fallen for Jacob Black to once again get her heart broken and trampled on. She glanced at his form in her rear view mirror one last time, and then thumped the car into ignition and drove off.

He watched her drive off, and then crumpled to the ground on the cliff once she was out of site.

Jacob Black had lost a lot of things, but he never truly knew the meaning of what loss was until she was gone, and there was nothing he could do about it but mourn.

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AN: Well here's my first ever fic, sorry it's short but I hope I have caught your attention, and gained the audiences approval. I have a lot of ideas going in my mind about this fic, and another that I will also be uploading soon which is also another Blackwater; I'm crazy about BLACKWATER ;)

You see that review button below; I dare you to click the button. LOL, review please xxx


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Twilight!**

**AN: So I just got my first 5 reviews and let me just tell you I am so happy right now, I'm on cloud nine. Thank you all for taking your time to review, you don't know how nervous I was with this being the first ever piece that I have written, but I'm happy with it. I wasn't going to update yet, but I quickly wrote up a chapter due to my excitement so here it goes. Hope y'all like it!**

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**Chapter 1**

Imprint what a load of bull! - Part 1

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_**How can it be that a persons heart could break, mine just can't deal with this ache.**_

_**Though it's intense, who said you couldn't live on? **_

_**Even with all this heartache and messed up fate; surely you wouldn't live if the 'heartbreak,' wasn't truly a matter of just a phrase?**_

_**Give voice to your heart, it will mend one day.**_

_**Just trust in yourself that soul mates are really made.**_

_By Ellie xox_

Leah POV

They say that for everybody everywhere god has made a perfect match. But what happens when you want to defy this match, wanting someone who's not perfect at all? Someone who loves you so much with all their heart, without being tied down with the red mystical thread of fate. Somebody who won't always say yes to you; who will expose all your crap, take down that brick barrier one piece at a time that had at one point been enclosed in your veiled bitter heart. Who will fight and argue with you, but then fight for you. And then try to makeup and win your heart again after every sour argument, with soft smiles and butterfly kisses. Making you remember again and again why you loved them to begin with, because their not perfect.

I had that once, no actually make that twice. But then the world crashed down and thunder struck when I lost it to this thing called an imprint, they say an imprint is meant to be a reward for the shifters something to ground them, finding their soul mate. I don't believe an imprint is a way of God telling you "hey that's your soul mate; yep you got it the ultimate one!" Imprint is not a force of nature, it is not from God, and it is utter bullshit through and through. I always believed that maybe that imprint fairy bitch hated me, and I still do.

The first time it happened I was in love with Sam Uley, yeah it's that self-claimed Alpha bastard. I didn't know at that time that the stories we were told when we were young were all true, not some mystical crap made by old faggots. The stories of wolves had always captured my attention; I wish I knew then that somehow someday my whole life would become a part of the tales, that I would be one of the 'Legends'. Maybe then I would have been prepared of all the mess thrown my way.

Sam was my childhood sweetheart, who was a few years older than I, he had promised me everything, told me that his heart was for my keeping and that mine for his, how outright wrong he and I were. He was a good boyfriend; it wasn't all filled with passion but with understanding for one another. We were together for four years. I gave my mind and body to him; we were each others first love, first everything. Then one day he became angry with me, he was different, heat clouded his every pour, as he stormed off away from me. I didn't see him for another two weeks; I was beyond worried, crazed in fact, I thought it was my fault that I had pushed him away. Didn't know what happened to him or where he was, I searched high and low everyday for him, but somehow he had just disappeared. My parents had told me not to worry that he would be fine. People in the community had started to wonder that maybe he was just like his unforgivable father, leaving a fine-looking woman behind, we were engaged, I know we were young but we were in love and wanted to consummate it to the world.

I was just about to go out to look for him one day after two whole weeks, when I opened the door and suddenly found him outside, drenched in the rain. He looked different, bigger. His once beautiful long black hair cut short, he was wearing short cut-offs, no shirt and had some sort of tribal tattoo on his arm. He had changed; there was almost like some sort of dark aura around him, but I didn't care, he was back, he had come back to me. So I had rushed on forward jumping into his arms to hug him. He held me tight, whispering apologies, he didn't tell me anything just that he had gone for a spiritual quest that he needed to know what he wanted to do with his life. I was so happy that he was back that I gladly accepted any excuses, we were getting married after all; he would never lie to me.

There was another strange thing about him, I had graduated then and it was almost like he was gradually telling me, trying to convince me that maybe we should stick to La Push instead of travelling for awhile and studying after we get married. I was beyond confused, as we had been planning forever to travel around the world and then go to college together, that is why he waited for me to graduate so we could go together. I was beyond angry on why he wanted to burn our future plans, but he had just said that he had new responsibilities to the council, I thought that maybe he was just going through a phase so agreed for the time being just to pacify him, he was scary when he was angry those days, and I didn't want to be the cause and butt of his anger. So I waited around for a perfect time to placate him, too re-consider his plans. During that time we were getting ready for our engagement party which was going to be in a week, and I had invited my cousin/best friend Emily Young to help out. I wish I never did, because when I introduced her to my Sam that day, with just one look into her eyes from him, changed everything for me. He was dazed as he looked at her, a goofy smile etched on his face; he looked on adoringly at her. I watched confused as he had never glanced at me that way as he was doing with Emily now, and called out to him. He snapped out, looking bewildered then looked at me in horror and ran off. I looked back at Emily and it almost seemed as if she had a smug smile on her face, until she saw me stare at her, her smile vanished quickly and was replaced by concern. Maybe I had just imagined it and shrugged the oddness of it all off so we could go back to planning the engagement party.

I had always considered Emily as my sister, I told her everything about myself, but she only ever used to be only interested of my relationship with Sam, I didn't consider it as weird then, I thought it was just normal. I had no notion or clue of why she was so engrossed with Sam and me, but I guess I should have known she was always jealous of what I had. I hadn't seen Sam for a couple of days and worried that maybe he ran off again, so I called him. He picked up sounding weary, but told me that he wasn't feeling well that's why he had left that day when Emily came over. I told him to not worry about it and to take care of himself.

The days passed as the engagement day drew nearer. I had asked Emily if she wanted to come with me for some shopping, but she had been acting strange telling me she had a headache. I left it to that and told her I would be back in 5 hours. I guess I didn't have much to shop for so I came back two hours early. It was 6.47pm when I came home, opening the door as I stepped inside. No one was in; at least that's what I thought at first until I heard a slight whimper coming from my room. I remember thinking, '_what the heck is going? Is there a burglar in the house?'_ I grabbed Seth's baseball bat which was near the front door and slowly went up to my room, the door was open slightly so I pushed against it to get a better view. And there on my bed were Sam and Emily, Sam's pants around his ankle and Emily half naked. I stood there frozen and let out an enraged scream.

Sam's head whipped around to me when he saw me there with a bat on my hand, his eyes widened comically I would have laughed at the expression on his face if I hadn't caught them in the act. He had stuttered and stumbled out the bed, falling flat on his big fat butt, legs hanging up. He quickly got up pulling up his trousers and started giving me excuses. '_Lee Lee I can explain, ehh it's not, it's not what it looks like...' _he hesitated at the dark look that crossed my eyes as my hand clutched the bat harder.

'_What does it look like then Sam, you cheating on me? And not only that just a day before our engagement with my whore of a cousin, who I had considered to be my sister,'_ I glared at the bitch, how fucking dare she. She didn't even have the decency to cover up but instead told me, _'Lee Lee don't take it the wrong way you won't understand we just have this connection.' _Emily shut up when I glared at her.

'_GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT MY HOUSE BEFORE I KILL YOU BOTH!" _I growled at them. They just stood there not moving, or believing that I would even threaten them like that.

'_Lee lee...'Sam started._

'_Don't you dare call me that, did you not here me arsehole, I should have known that you were just like your father, I bet that's why you kept getting angry with me, cause you couldn't shack up with that bitch.' _I pointed towards Emily, Sam went rigid as his eyes went black shaking slightly,_ 'fuck no'_, I thought_, I am not afraid of __him__ anymore._ I stood straight swung the bat and smashed it on him, beating him. Emily was screaming in the background. He couldn't believe I had hit him. '_Get the fuck out, get the fuck out of my house you piece of crap, filthy mother fucker_!' I kept smashing the bat again and again on him. I was fuelled with anger and hurt that he could do such a thing and think he could just get away with it. At that moment my father and Seth came in the room, horrified at the scene taking place. Same was bleeding on the floor and Emily was crying, snot dribbling down her nose. Ugly bitch. My dad and Seth snapped out and rushed towards me pulling me away, kicking and screaming. Seth removed the bat away from me for precaution in case I grabbed for it again. And Emily rushed towards Sam trying to check him over; his hand was covering a part of his bruised face.

'_What the hell is going on here?'_ my father screeched.

'_Ask them!'_ I screamed as I removed myself away from my brother and father and spat on Sam, then looked at Emily and punched her straight on her right eye; did I ever tell you I have a perfect right hook? She yelled in pain covering her eye instantly as Seth dragged me away.

Well let's just say I had been grounded for life but at least I got them both, they won't ever try to make a fool of me ever again. Emily was never allowed back in our house again, and Sam had kept coming around trying to apologise only for Seth to bitch him out and slam the door on his face. My parents were horrified at how the situation turned out, and I made them cancel the whole engagement. I knew my mom wanted to talk to Emily she was her niece after all, and I know she always did love her more than me, her own daughter. But even my mum knew to keep her mouth shut. My father kept telling me that everything will be all right and to move on, it just wasn't meant to be. Within one month my life had turned all bullshit. I was slowly slipping away in my bitterness, and fury. Especially when I started hearing that Sam had moved in with Emily in the house that _we_ dreamed about of having once we were married. I didn't really care about them at that moment, but flaunting their relationship in my face and in front of the whole community just cut me deep. No one understood me, not even my parent's, only my brother had stuck by me. I know they were trying to help me get through it but they were just making things worse, telling me to move on that it was just some puppy love. Why didn't they understand that I had been with him for _four_ years? That was no puppy love, we were going to get married and he had promised to love me forever and always keep me happy, but instead he just broke me. After a week I heard that Emily had an accident and a bear had scarred her face, and even though it was cruel of me, I couldn't help but wonder that karma had finally gotten even with the bitch.

Long story short, after that incident I was never the same again. I was always angry and my parents would always try to talk to me. Then after a year, my father had a heart attack, I regretted not being the best daughter when he slowly slipped away, death calling his name. His dying words were of telling me to be happy and be there for my family. I couldn't keep half of his promise. As he died in my arms, despair rolled through my body I was shaking and gasping for air, Seth was shaking besides me. I knew I had to get out, that if I stayed close I would hurt someone. And I ran out in towards the woods. My clothes ripped as I ran from two legs to four. I was confused, and had so many emotions rolling through me. Not understanding what was going on, when suddenly I heard Seth in my head. _Seth! I had to protect Seth, _I thought. Well let's just say next thing I know we were barrelling towards each other, as a sandy coloured wolf came jumping towards me.

'_Leah!'_He looked at me as an image of a small grey wolf came in mind.

'_What the...'_

'That's you Lee, can you believe it we're wolves! Oh no lee, what about dad?' He asked as we were both consumed by pure torment. I could feel everything he was feeling and vice versa. What was going on? All of a sudden we hear more voices in our heads. There was a few voices I recognised especially that deep toned one. Is that? Shit!

'_Hey some one phased.'_

'_Who's that, who is out there?'_

'_Seth is that you?'_

'_Yeah?'_

'_Who else is with you Seth?'_

'_Errrr, Leah?'Seth exclaimed._

Everyone went quiet not quite believing that a female had shifted.

'_Lee lee?' A deep voice called out._

'_Fucking hell now I have that bastard voice in my head, I must be going crazy, stop calling me that donkey face!' Leah blurted out._

'_Ermmm no your not Lee- err Leah, this is not your imagination this is all real'. _As he brought memories of all the legends upon her.

'_And I am the Alpha,' Sam replied._

One thing ran across her mind as she took it all in,_ 'Holy shit! Now I'm officially fucked...'_

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**AN: Review please. Hope you all like it; I just had to upload this, did it all in a rush actually cause I was that excited. It's only the first part there's a second part to this which I will be completing soon. Thank you for reading**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Twilight! If I did Taylor Lautner would be MINE!MWAHAHAHA! Not forgetting the Southern HAWTY Jackson Rathbone...I'm so confused...Ohhh who to pick...**

**AN: First and foremost, I would like to apologize to you all for updating so late, I'm sorry! T.T I already had this chapter written but I also had other things to do, so I decided to make it up to you guys by adding more to the length of the chapter. Okay now I have realised that due to my ehem* 'excitement', I made a couple of rookie mistakes; I went from first person view to second during the end. So I'm going to start off from that mistake, I'm too lazy to go back to the chapter and correct it. I've also realised that I've kind of rushed my chapter due to updating within the night, so hopefully I get to deliver a better response and have a perfect flow in the story. I wanted to explain her feeling of betrayal more and her family situation but I think I'll just do little flashbacks in the future chapters to make up for the rushed first chapter. I have little twists and turns for each chap, I know you all might get confused on how things happened, but don't worry as I've said I will explain with flashbacks in future chaps.**

**I would also firstly like to dedicate this chapter to my beautiful friend Thahera (TERA!) as I love how she encourages me to keep writing, I love you chick, your views on everything I do is important that's why your always the first person to know everything. I would also like to thank my sister for correcting my mistakes, the little tyke may be younger than me but she's really good at finding flaws on my stories. I would also like to thank all my other friends for also cheering me on when I told them about my writing, I guess I was embarrassed to admit it to them, but they were in fact surprised by it, and quite happy, so thank you!**

_Italic's = wolf thoughts_

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Chapter 2

Imprint what a load of bull! #$- part 2

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_**Like I said,**_

_**Even if he broke my heart without even realising how he truly felt about me,**_

_**He's still a good guy, I would always prefer him.**_

_**I always thought that one day he would finally understand what there was between us,**_

_**It was more than a connection. **_

_**It was...more than love.**_

_**By Ellie and Faye xoxo**_

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Previously:

_**Everyone went quiet not quite believing that a female had shifted.**_

'_**Lee lee?' A deep voice called out.**_

'_**Fucking hell now I have that bastard's voice in my head, I must be going crazy, stop calling me that donkey face!' I blurted out.**_

'_**Ermmm no your not Lee- err Leah, this is not your imagination this is all real'. As he brought memories of all the legends upon her.**_

'_**And I am the Alpha,' Sam replied.**_

_**I remember one thing that ran across my mind as I took it all in then, 'Holy shit! Now I'm officially fucked...'**_

Sam, the neurotic bastard, at that moment had looked down at me, in his wolf form as if to assert his authority over me. He has black fur, black like his darkened inexcusable cheating heart.

Sam grumbled,_ 'I can still hear you Leah; pack mind means everyone can hear our thoughts'._

What utter nonsense. Why should I listen to that ingrate? I thought, knowing that everything that he said was always crap anyway. And so I had found myself zoning him out and thinking about his betrayal, the day I caught both Sam and Emily at it on my bed, I thought about how I beat him with a bat and then the punch that I had given to Emily. Seth cheered as he remembered that day and showed through the pack mind link that he was super impressed at the power held behind my right hook. Our father had always taught us to defend ourselves when we were younger; as everyone else in the pack flinched at the scene of the beatings I had given to Sam that was playing through my mind. A recollection of, when they wouldn't answer my father's questions (_even when the answer was lying in front of him_!) how I had then dragged Emily, who was still half naked up by the hair, pulling on tighter when Em-whore tried to cringe and push me away from her, coursed through my head. Have you ever seen a wolf smirk? Because I think I just did at summoning that particular memory. I had hauled her arse down the stairs past my mother's horrified stance and had kicked her out the front door, watching as Emily's ugly arse bounced and rolled down roughly off the porch and down the dirty floor, as my neighbours watched on from outside, shocked at the scene taking place.

One of the pack members, who sounded suspiciously like *cough#$Paul#$cough#* had decided to put on his input on how he thought that Emily's body was as flat as an iron board, and why anyone would want to bang that broad, and that I had a much of a rocking body, and he would happily hit that. Sam and Seth both growled at him and then Seth snarled threateningly at Sam for even trying to think about his precious sister, he had no right over her anymore, and he didn't fairly care if that bastard was the boss, Clearwater's stick together no matter what. Sam looked surprised and a little hurt that the once happy boy who thought of him as a role model once upon a time could think such negative thoughts about him.

'_Well duh idiot, he is her brother and you fucked up big time',_ Jacob snickered out.

Oh, so Black was in the pack too? No wonder he had gone from a stick thin idiot to now look like a drugged up hunk.

'_I always knew I would get through to you someday Clearwater',_ said a smug Jacob as Sam snapped at him for having such heinous thoughts about me.

'_Whatever Black, You're still ugly on the inside. And shut your trap Uley I am not your concern anymore, you made that perfectly clear when I saw your ugly arse on top of Emily'._ I growled out.

I ignored them both as that day continued to play through my memoires wanting to show the pack what an imbecile their so called Alpha really is. I had then went back up to my room, grabbed the bat again quickly before Seth could take it away from me and made Sam get up off the floor by threatening to pulverize him again if he didn't get out. He was still shocked that I had beat him, what did he think that I would just accept what he did? I made him walk the line of shame down the stairs and out the door making sure to scream out to the neighbours about his infidelity and then slammed the door shut. That day I had slept in Seth's room as I made my family chuck the infested bed away and burnt it to the ground the next day. Urggh! Those whore bags made me burn my favourite quilt too, that my grandmother had given her.

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_Present day_

I now look at my bare hand that was missing the ring Sam had given me once when he proposed, we were young but he said that he wanted to show everyone that I was his. It was the only memento I had left that reminded me of our broken relationship; I had burned or gave away the rest of the stuff that he had ever given me away to charity, but for some unknown reason I couldn't give away the ring, it hurt so much to be reminded of what we had and what we can never have now, I guess I was a masochist after all. I lived in pain, didn't understand any other happy emotions other than the bitter ache in my heart. In the end, I had slowly gotten over my depression and had sold off the ring in a pawn shop (as if I would return the ring back to him), and put the money in Seth's account for if he ever needed it in the future.

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Anyways once I became a wolf, everyday Sam would pester me about why he had done what he had done, that he never wanted to hurt me and that he couldn't help himself, it was all because of the imprint. That she is his soul mate, he loved me but he loved _her_ more and crap like that. When he would think about her through the pack link and compare me to her and how Emily was now his everything, it hurt like hell. They would always flaunt their relationship at me, wouldn't that make anybody angry? I was angry all the time even now I still am, and I was bitter and unforgiving; everyone hated me because they couldn't understand me. Well Sam you did hurt me, a lot, and you didn't even consider what I had to go through. I had loved you with all my heart and soul and you said you loved me just as much, don't you remember? Or was all that you had promised me a lie?

_Flashback_

_The day was long and frustrating and Leah had just gotten a detention for beating up a bully, she had been defending Embry Call against some fat senior, who was calling him a bastard child. Embry didn't have a father, but he was a sweet kid and didn't deserve to be bullied. Well she had strutted on forward towards the kid, who by the way had an unusual likeness to a frog, let's just say there was a broken nose and a possibly damaged ego to the teen, Leah was proud of the fact that she had defended the little tyke, telling him that if there was any other trouble that she would help him with her special mortal kombat like ninja prowess. But unfortunately for her the principle had caught her in the action, but had let her off with a detention since she was in her final year and was a straight A student, most students claimed that the principle played favouritism towards her._

_That didn't stop her from sulking when her parents were called in and had given her a big lecture, however she knew just by looking at her fathers twinkling eyes that he was proud of her for standing up and defending Embry Call. She was just about to head back towards the school building for her detention when someone had hooked their hands on the straps of her bag from behind and pulled her towards him._

"_Hey there, my little troublemaker."_

_Recognizing the voice to be Sam's she relaxed and turned around in his arms grinning up towards him. Sam had graduated last year, but he was waiting for her to graduate so they could go off to college together, and pave their way towards a happy future._

"_Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what are you doing here? I've got detention to go to right now."_

"_Yeah I know, I overheard from that kid Call that you gave an 'awesome' beating to some bully when I couldn't find you at the gate, plus I missed you and just had to see you before you go lee-lee."_

_He smiled as Leah leaned in towards him and sighed happily, he was such a great boyfriend, sweet and absolutely perfect. He bent down his head slightly as he was a few inches taller than her and connected his forehead to hers._

"_I love you," He proclaimed._

"_Didn't I promise to tell you how much I loved you everyday? I have a job to go to after this, so I won't be able to see you when you're done, but here I am for now". He whispered as he smiled down at her brightly. Eyes filled in with so much warmth and love._

"_I love you too Sam," she whispered back as she connected her lips towards his giving him a short sweet kiss._

"_Always and forever. " He had said._

He broke his promise.

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The second time I fell in love, guess what, it was another Alpha, the true one.

Jacob Black.

I think I was cursed with only falling in love with the **Alpha's**. At that time I didn't know that I had fallen for him, all I knew was that I did care for him, for accepting me in his pack when he had rebelled against Sam and claimed his Alpha rights, when all that Isabella (**another stupid bitch, besides Emily)** drama happened. He was annoying as hell when I was in Sam's pack, he hated me and would argue with me constantly for being bitter and I hated him equally as much for being such a drama queen on his so called love for bitch'ella, and never understanding me when in the past he had claimed to be my friend. Well then again he is still infuriating even now, and I don't think we could ever be good friends again, everything was just so complicated. But I knew even before all this supernatural turning into a wolf thing happened; he was a kind hearted young man. I knew him since he was in his nappies, as I was best friends with his twin sister's Rebecca and Rachel who were a year older than I, but that didn't stop us from becoming best friends as his family and mine were always close.

He is now someone who I would follow anywhere; even now my loyalties lie with him, a teenage boy of 18 who was forced to grow up when his mother died, his sister's leaving and when Bella could give him nothing but pain, stringing him along even now that she is the un-dead, with her half dead spawn; Renesmee. I left him because I couldn't handle it anymore, the pain and the bitterness over clouding me whenever he would show me some compassion, because he had finally understood somehow or another that I, Leah Clearwater was hiding my pain through the bitter angry mask that I would portray everyday throughout the pack, his pain and heartache for Bella was nothing compared to mine. The mask was my only saving grace at that time to deal with how I felt and how broken I was because of what Sam and Emily had done, and the one person I loved the most more than Sam my father, for leaving me; I had killed him with my resentment and bitterness on how life had treated me, I had his blood on my hands. It is shocking how people you love around you can die whilst you stay immortal. Why live through all this pain as the world and everything you once knew dies around you? But once Jacob Black knew of my mask, each day he would try and break down my armour and succeed a little piece by piece.

Slowly but surely I had fallen for him, even when I found out he had imprinted on that devil-spawn, Isa-bitches half breed daughter, I was hurt when he imprinted and confused on why I was suddenly so jealous. I was all over the place; it was a good thing that by then I had learnt how to control my thoughts to ensure my privacy. Because I wouldn't know how I would have explained on all my feelings and what I felt towards him, as I didn't even know myself. Don't hate me for protecting myself, or even him for all the hurt his actions caused me, because even now I don't hate him, I couldn't and just plain wouldn't. I love him with all my heart; Even if he can't admit it or accept it with his confused mind; to me he is my other half, my mate. No matter what that imprint bitch of a fairy says.

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_Flash back_

"_Hey Clearwater, if you don't eat something you'd shrivel up and die, I don't want my Beta to die from starvation now, do I?" Jacob joked as he came out in all his half naked glory, just wearing his jean sho__rts__, out of the parted trees with a plate of food, on what I would assume to be some delicious home made food made by mommy-vamp._

"_Get lost Black, I don't want anything from those leeches; you might be all pro-vamps right now, but that does not mean I am too." I barked out._

_I am now playing guard dog to those leeches because of him and my brother, how morally wrong is that? We were made to kill them, our whole being specifically designed to be alert and rip them to shreds. But that doesn't mean I would go back to Sam's pack, I was much better off here and there were much more privacy, I didn't have to be in my ex's mind ever again, and his woe be tide attitude._

"_Come on Lee, despite the __smell,__ Esme's cooking is top class. I worry about you."His eyes softening as he sat down looking at me, pushing the plate of steaming food towards me._

"_Well you didn't worry about me all this time, so you don't have to start pretending now, shouldn't you go worry more about that pregnant hussy leech lover more than me; that is why we are here right, playing Lassie?"_

"_I was wrong for not being there for you, but I'm trying my best here now. Stop being a bitch Leah."Jacob suddenly huffed out._

"_Wow is that your way of showing you care, calling me a bitch and then also saying that you're sorry? Well you stop being such a virgin Jacob, you and I both know what an idiot that girl is, and how she keeps stringing you along. Heck she got pregnant by the mind-rapist vamp and she's still trying to drag you down. With her, 'Oh Jacob, you are my best friend I love you and need you in my sad life because I want both Edward and you.' Why are you doing this to yourself Jake? Are you such a masochist that you would watch all that and kill yourself of depression each and everyday. Because trust me __Jacob__,__it__ is better to leave all this heartache whilst you still can. Don't become me. I know when this is all over you will never be the same again. This isn't even a funny situation anymore, don't you find it sad that I out of all people pity you." My bitterness pleading out to him._

_He was just an innocent teenager, only 17. He had a lot to live for. But at that young age instead of partying and having crushes, he became entranced and bewitched by that flat chested Swan claiming to have fallen in love with her and now he is paying for it by nothing but troubles and heartaches. Bella Swan is one of the most infuriating girls (besides Emily) that I have ever met. Wherever she goes, trouble always follows her there, vamps crying out and singing for her blood, wanting to kill her. Oh please she's not that special. It's because of her and those leeches that we are all wolfs. If there is a vampire in the same vicinity as you and you just so happened to have our ancestor's so called 'special' genes (who were also previously wolves), blessed by Taha-Aki, you'd suddenly get your genes triggered into making you transform into a wolf. And trust me it isn't just as easy as suddenly with a click of the fairy god-mother's wand you would become wolf, no, it is a bitter process of where anger resides everywhere within your bones that burn and change your body even when phased for the first few times it hurts badly for days, heat burning and poring out of you changing your whole genetics, increased heights, senses, fast metabolisms and impenetrable skin making you supernaturally beautiful, in some ways our transformation is slightly similar to the vampires._

_Anyways, not to mention the fact that Isabella Swan was never known for her grace, she is the most awkwardest teen I have ever met, who by the way is such a klutz that it isn't even a joke anymore, I mean she has a tendency to even trip on flat surfaces. What the hell did he ever see in her? I would never know._

_He just sat silently next to me for a couple of minutes, not looking at me. He stood up; his back still turned towards me._

"_If you were still bitter, you would not be sitting here scolding me, pretending that you don't care. Thank you, at least now I know there's one person out there who would give me the truth and not sugar coat it."_

_And with that he ran off, back towards the Cullen house probably. I leaned back on the grass to lay on my back staring up at the now blue sky; miraculously no grey clouds were in sight. Humph! I did not care about him, I was just stating the facts, and he was just an emotional idiot to take it the wrong way. I did not care about him at all._

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I had realised then how un-true my words were, I did care about him more than I shouldn't, but I was not ready to admit it, we were slowly becoming more than just good friends, something different that we couldn't quite comprehend, a sort of comradeship maybe? And everyday he would knock down my wall brick by brick. We would tease each other and mostly pick on Seth who would always complain about how he was the one who followed Jacob first, and why I had to always steal his role models attention. Most days' we would argue and fight like hell, but even if we did hate each other slightly less than before, life was finally little by little becoming good again.

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_Flashback- before everything turned to dust again_

_I had just finished my patrol and was back on my special spot, it was tiring running non-stop for over 5 hours by yourself; Jacob had ran away once again when he had seen how the mind-raper vamp and bitch'ella were playing happy families, and I had told Seth to get his rest whilst I patrolled around the border and decided to pay Bella Cullen a little visit, I was worried that Jacob had finally gone off his rockers, he had finally been smiling more around me and now he was gone again, driving off with one of the Cullen's car to god knows where, not even bothering to say anything to me and Seth. So when I burst into the leeches home demanding to see that bitch, getting past the extremely agitated bloodsuckers telling me to get out of their home, not that I wanted to stay in their house which by the way smelt god awful, the scent of them alone seemed like it could kill me. How on earth could Seth and Jacob hack it? Graveyards and coffins that's what came to mind; I tried blocking all of the smells away, and somehow I pushed past them to see her lying pathetically in the living room._

_Spirits, she looked absolutely horrendous, Bella was pale and thin anyways, but now she had a sickly green tone and bones jut out against her arms, and her big killer stomach protruding looking as if it's about to burst open. I had been stunned to see her like that and had suddenly felt protective towards this human but that feeling quickly went down the drain, she was the cause for all this anyways, Bella wanted this, how in Taha-Aki's name would anyone save a dead person. Her husband, Ed-weird started hissing at me like some puffing little kitty daring me not to say anything to his precious bitch of a wife. I don't get why he is even with her, there's nothing special about her, just because her blood sings to him all of a sudden he thinks that they're meant to be, how ridiculous does that notion sound? Pretty darn ridiculous. The two timing cow loving it up with him one minute and then playing with Jacob's feelings the next._

_I started shouting and mouthing off at her, watching the pitiable, pathetic cows' face pucker up trying hard not to cry, I know it was quite mean of me to say so but I felt like I was doing the right thing, did she really think that everything that she did wouldn't have any consequences . I was standing up for a comrade and I wasn't going to let her ruin his life no more. How dare she just play around with someone's feelings like that?_

'_Do you have any idea how he's been like? One minute he's happy and then the next you come along and ruin everything, making him depressed and suicidal just like that! What on earth is your problem? Are you trying to purposefully kill him? Waiting for him to give him his all and then just drop dead. How could you be so selfish Bella, even now you claim to love him and Edward equally, are you not satisfied with what you have already? The world will not always hand everything down to you on a golden platter, because trust me you may have everyone think that even your shit is golden, but for me you are nothing but a rotten, ungrateful carcass who pisses of human and non-human alike wherever you go, no wonder your mum doesn't want you. I just feel sorry for Charlie, after everything he's done for you and how much he loves you; you don't even have the decency to give him an ounce of respect and only can think of giving him pain. That's all you know don't you, hurting everyone you say is precious to you. What do you think will happen to Charlie when he finds out that his only daughter is dead? Especially when she wants to toss away her life for a creep.'_

_Edward threateningly advanced towards me, hissing at me to shut my trap._

"_Oh shut your sparkly arse up you ginger haired vamp, proving yourself that you knocked her up still does not make you a man, you still look like a man-child. Tell me Edward, when she finally turns and decides that she doesn't want you and tries to get back with Jacob, what will you do then? You can't seriously think she only wants you; you can't read her thoughts so you never know what she's planning. How do you know that she doesn't only just want immortality?"_

_At that point Bella started wailing with snots dribbling down her mouth, ew! Again people why would anyone want that!_

"_Get out! You will not talk to my wife like that." Eddie boy screamed out._

"_All right, all right, I'm going you damn pedo."_

_I turned to march out, crossing paths with Blondie who looked slightly impressed by my choice of words, I seriously did not have a problem with her or the rest of the family it was just Ed-gay and bitch'ella that were causing all the problems, stopping one last time just as I reached the door and looking over my shoulder, I made sure to lock my eyes with Isabella's._

"_Just remember one thing Bella, if I even have a small inkling that you have hurt Jacob again, whether or not that baby kills you, or Jacob kills me for this, and Charlie will miss his only daughter, I will eradicate you myself! That's not a threat, but a promise. Just remember you are a Cullen now, and you chose this path, I can't wait to burn you through the ground." I growled out one last time watching her shiver from my threat, good she should be scared, and stormed out the house._

_I was still at my spot sitting down, leaning back at a thick sturdy tree, staring out at the forest. I was in human form now and I was totally spent, it was tiring patrolling for 5 hours straight, but it was peaceful without everyone's voices in my head. I had to wake up Seth as I didn't know when Jacob would be back, or if he would ever come back that is, once again leaving his mess to us. I wish I could do that, get up and leave; but I had to be tough for my brother he is young, our father is dead and our mother depressed and is now seeking attention from the much lonely worried Charlie, he doesn't need a missing sister on top of that. The trees behind me rustled and I snapped my attention towards the sound, maybe Cullen has finally decided to come out for a fight for his precious Bella. Except a tanned hand peaked out, instead of pale as it separated the bushes and out came a slightly irritated Jacob with leaves and sticks on his hair, well guess he decided to come back after all. Oh crap maybe Cullen bitched about her to him, that pussy he doesn't know how to fight his own battles so he sent Jacob to teach me a lesson. He plopped down besides me, ruffling his hair with his right hand and then just looked at me as if speculating._

"_What?" I exclaimed. His stare was starting to creep me out; I didn't like being stared at, as all the crap Sam and Emily have put me through has left me somewhat self-conscious about myself. Jacob was probably just trying to irritate me so he can lecture me about his precious Bella._

"_Well, I've been hearing something strange from that mind-raping Cullen, about some girly wolf who was trying to cause trouble defending my honour? Now hearing Edward bitching to me and telling me to control my mutts is... how may I say this... is damn annoying to be honest since he thinks I have nothing better to do than follow his order around like a bloody lapdog and keeping __my__ girly wolf on a leash. Now may I ask why this girly wolf had to go and spit out on Bella?" said Jacob_

"_Awe so you finally understand that you are his lapdog now." Jacob frowned at me, as if looking down at a petulant child._

_I huffed, "The girly wolf didn't spit out at the human, please if she wanted to she could have bitch slapped her from here to Netherlands, but she isn't that cruel to hurt a pregnant girl no matter what she said. She wanted to help her Alpha, just because he's a wuss that does not mean anyone can boss him around and treat him like shit, the Alpha has to understand that he is a leader who has awesome pack mates that are the only ones that don't treat him like a toy. He should have some dignity you know, Alpha's are meant to demand respect but he's too stupid to realise that because he has his head stuck up some pregnant cows arse."_

_Jacob twitched besides me dropping his hands down, she watched his face carefully so I could prepare to run the other way for when he tried to attack me, but then a miracle happened. His face broke out in a huge smile and not just the half hearted smiles that he gives out these days, but a full blown smile and then promptly burst out laughing. Huh why is he laughing didn't he come to yell at her?_

"_You Clearwater's are too much. Now I definitely know that you still care about me, I love you too Leeeeaaahhh!" he drawled out still chuckling. I was completely stunned, what did he just say? He what?_

"_Whaaa? I-I-I, Huh? Sh-shut up Black. What the hell!" I stammered out my cheeks suddenly tinged red in embarrassment._

"_Awe I made Leah Clearwater blush, YAY!" He cried out like a child who just got his favourite treat and with a beautiful smile on his face._

_I scowled at him, murmuring ways I could kill my stupid teenaged Alpha._

_He looked at me, eyes sparkling, finally simmering down his laughter. That idiot, humph! I sighed internally even though he was amused at my expense in a way I was glad that he was at least laughing and smiling genuinely, that even though somehow Bella had hurt him again and caused him to run, at least he had come back to me and Seth. They were pack after all; they had built up their group with trust, even if Jacob and Seth didn't want her around at first._

"_Are you here to shout at me or not Black? If you are, then just get it over and done with, this 'girly' wolf has some much needed sleep to get too since her Alpha decided to run off without telling his pack mates, you made Seth worry." I grumbled out._

_He unexpectedly leaned forward towards me, his face nearing mine looking at me intently again, with those deep big brown eyes of his, as I scowled cheeks flustered, quickly scooting back away from him. I think he purposefully wants to get smacked now, I would be more than happy to do it since he was acting so strange._

"_Although you having a go at Bella was over the top, you and I both know that she isn't in any condition to be grilled at Lee, I have to say I was slightly impressed that you managed to piss off Cullen, and stand up for me. But even though I can fight my own battles, thanks anyways; I'll say I'm sorry to '__**Seth**__,' since he was the __**only one**__ worrying about me." He smirked at her._

" _Ergh! I always knew you both were secretly seeing each other, with your bro-mance and all, where on earth did you go anyways?" I was trying to divert his attention away from me, this was weird, and usually I was the one teasing him._

_He stopped smiling and started looking down at his hands that were playing with his shoe lace; I suddenly wished he didn't look so upset he looked much more like himself with a smile on his face. Oh god what is wrong with me? This wolf thing is making me so bipolar._

"_I had to get away from all of this just for a little while, I stupidly wanted to go and find myself an imprint," He lifted his head up and looked back at me again with a smile back on his face._

"_But then I realised that, I didn't want to imprint because all this magical falling in love at first sight thing is not what I want. I don't want someone perfect that our ancestors have picked out for us; I want to fall in love naturally, where I can fight for my love, where I don't become a zombie and say yes to everything my imprint wants. I don't want to become a slave to my own body, I want to love freely. To argue with her, but then to make up as well with a bunch of flowers on my knees begging for her forgiveness and just to show her how much I love her with kisses loads of kisses, that's all I really want Lee. Not someone who dictates every aspect of my life. Wouldn't you think so Lee, to live freely is the best feeling in the world rather than to be caged with no desires of your own?" He insisted, wanting to know her answers._

_My heart stuttered at his question, thinking about what he had just said, did I want to imprint? After everything that I have been through, and all the loneliness and heartbreak that I have felt, wishing for all the pain to disappear everyday. The imprint can make me forget, I looked up at Jacob's face again, frowning at myself. Heck no! I didn't want to imprint and I still wanted to fall back in love again, even with what Sam had done to me, I wanted my freedom, pain is part of the life process right? If there was no pain, how would I learn from my mistakes and heartbreaks? So yes I did want to fall in love again, I don't want this bitterness and ache anymore, I wanted to be happy again not magically but by myself and the person I can hold by my side._

"_You're right, an imprint can make it all disappear the twinge in my heart but I don't want it, I want someone who wants to be by my side, not be forced to be with me and alter all my emotions." I smiled at him and he looked pleased with himself to see me smile and with the answer._

"_Yeah no imprint, we'll cross that bridge when it comes to it." He stated, he was going to say something else too when suddenly a sandy coloured blur knocked into Jacob, yelping with glee and licking his face and then mine._

"_Ew Seth Knock it off! What are you doing?" I screeched out._

_Jacob just chuckled, telling Seth to calm down. Then my dim-witted brother quickly went behind the bush phasing out and he came round as soon as he put his jeans on, then dog piled on us._

"_Jaaayyyyycoooooobbbb... Your back, I knew you'd come back for us, Leah didn't think so, but I did! I did! Yay every one, our rag-tag team of misfits is back together again for another great big adventure, group hug!" Seth shouted as he tackled us to the ground._

_I couldn't help it anymore; Seth's laughter was always infectious to me so I burst out laughing and giggling with the two most important men/teenage boys that were in my life now. Jacob glanced at me as he laughed again. I don't know what it was about us but something was definitely different, and I did not mind one bit._

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_Present day_

I'm not sure when I had fallen for Jacob, I didn't think that the scrawny boy I once knew in my childhood would become one of the most important person that I had in my life, that I would love him as he grew and matured into an amazing man. But alas, it would never come to bare its fruits to us, because before anything could happen he had imprinted and once again I was on my own. Sometimes even with an imprint he would look at me as if I held some unanswered questions in his mind, at those times it made me wonder if he even felt anything for me. And there was many inkling's of what ifs? I think he had tried to fight it but even he couldn't escape from the bitterness called an imprint. I am tired; I don't wish to fight anymore. I have had everything taken away from me, what more could be taken from someone who has nothing? I am a beggar in this world, and there is no one to give me their love or charity. I love him, I finally admitted it to myself, I do truly love him. But now even that is not worth it, because I couldn't tell him. He would never want me now that he imprinted. I don't want to be in pain anymore, sometimes I wish that I had run away with Jacob when I had the chance, before he could imprint on Bella Swan's half-breed of a daughter I would have told him to runaway with me and said that I loved him, would he have accepted me then?

So now here I am on the road to nowhere, I needed a break from all this driving so I had gone into a bar to drink away all my sorrows and taking a trip down memory lane was not a very good idea.

Well you're all probably wondering right now why I'm telling you about my failed non-existence love life. Well, guess what? I, Leah Clearwater, she wolf and bitch extraordinaire of La Push, have finally imprinted. At the bumbling idiot who just puked down my shoes and quite literally just passed out. I was right about one thing though, that imprint fairy is one mega bitch! I ran from the supernatural, the magic bestowed upon me by my ancestors, ran from all the imprints that hurt me, the man that I had fallen in love with. And she came upon me with vengeance once again; Yep, the imprint bitch she sure does hate me. FML!

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**AN: And there you have it people Chapter 3/2 finally completed. Hope you all liked it.**

**Come on people I need more reviews. And those that have reviewed so far thank you very much it means a lot, to know I'm doing well so far. Thank you, thank you! =) So please keep on reviewing.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Twilight, just this story concept!**

**AN: Hey! First and foremost, Happy Valentine's Day y'all! **

**Em' I know it's been awhile so I'm really sorry, it's just that I have other fic's to write for other websites so I've been disregarding this, so really sorry. There's also the fact that I knew what to write for this chapter but didn't know how to put it on paper, so that sucked some of my brain cells out. And then I had to go back on my Geography lessons, I hate Geography! =( because I know nothing about America as I am from the UK, so had to do a lot of research that killed my brain too... :(**

**By the way I just recently realized I got accepted to JBNP, so I'm really excited, I didn't know I was accepted so I don't know how long it's been there, unused poor thing, but I will be uploading my fan fiction works there too, I will also be changing some things around from these fics as I am now allowed to write MA scenes which I will not be writing on fanfic, so I'm excited about it. Since there are restrictions here I am toning it down, but over there I will definitely not. So those of you who are on JBNP now will notice the differences and changes in all my fics. I don't know when I will start updating here though. **

**Ps. I would like to thank those of you who reviewed, loved hearing your thoughts about this fic.**

**So special thanks to my followers and reviewers:**

**Firefly-class, xxdevilishxx, parys, janethejhon, honeygirl25, Thahera, Mrs. Kratos, Leah n Jacob, Iluvyeachick, Gemma945, Fallen Emo Angel, ElliotsLover-DracosWife, DANI TheBlackwaterHippie BLACK, Black's Wolfgirl22, -peep, Tara Maria , C. Spockett, GymnastQueen, PiperMcLean351, Inosolan, FallingForAFlower81, brankel1, leahforever101**

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Chapter 3

Planning murder...

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_This feeling inside me leaves me so restless,_

_I feel my hopefulness drift away..._

_It's hard to breathe easy, now that I can't see your beautiful face... _

_By Ellie xoxo_

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**Leah POV**

Planning; that's what I had been doing for the past few months, to get away from La Push before I had lost my mind, and tumbled in with the crazies. But I guess when it comes to plans, it never turns out the way you would expect it to, especially if you're me; Leah Clearwater. I don't know what the higher up wants from me but I'm pretty sure I was only put on this earth to be pushed around and crushed for the sake of other's amusement, whatever is intended for me was never for my benefit, but to batter me down till there's nothing left to be broken but an empty shell, even then it still won't stop the assault. Life hates me, my ancestors hate me, the spirits hate me, my pack hates me, and I don't know why; that's the only explanation I can give you.

I had ran all the way from La Push with my crappy beat down car, only for it to break down on me as I came near a small town somewhere in California, called Calwa; I was exhausted and emotionally drained as I had been driving for miles stopping at odd places here and there and then decided that I needed a well deserved rest before moving again after my car got fixed. I had made a stop at a run down bar to drink my sorrows away, but it only dug into my skin that home was in La Push, home was where Jac- no, no, shaking away my mislead thoughts... How would I ever find a place to call my own when it was not what I wanted? My wounds that I had were healed on the outside but on the inside they were still burning me.

I nursed my drink, feeling eyes trained on me; they were looking at the beautiful, exotic, stranger sat by herself, as if her very core demanded them to observe her that attracted them to move in closer at the unnatural splendour. My mouth moved to form a bitter smile; they knew nothing. That I am naught but a monster on the inside, someone who could kill them in an instant without even seconds to spare; but I am veiled by this facade, an innocent in human skin that was once a part of the lost girl hidden somewhere and suppressed away in this accursed body. How do I love something that is a part of me, when it has done nothing but taken away everything that made me normal, a human being? I don't even recognize myself when I look in the mirror at the glamour of this new body, deadly elegant, completely different from when I was humanely beautiful.

I tilt my head back as I finish the last of my drink, gulping it down as if it were my saviour. My head swarms for a second at the buzz of the alcohol but then my wolfy powers kick in and it nulls it all away, a shame that I can't ever savour this luxury too and have my kidney darken away. I slid the glass back across the counter towards the curious waiter, he wants to ask me something; I can see it in his eyes. But I ignore him, patience was never really my virtue, and I don't care much for human company.

I swerve my stool around as I push myself up, grabbing my purse and jacket as I place the money on the counter and turn to walk out, disregarding the watchful eyes seated around me and the waiter's call for forgetting to take my change, as I push open the door and step outside.

I breathe the air in as I turn towards where I had parked my car, but there is an unknown male there who is trying to shove his key into my car, fumbling about, clearly drunk.

"You have the wrong car," I say, stopping behind him as he jumps up, dropping his key to the ground.

He kneels down, mumbling, trying to pick up his key, scraping his fingers on the gravel. I can hear his heart start to beat faster, as he breathes in and out harshly before looking up at me.

And there it is my eyes lock onto his dazed grey eyes, connecting my soul to his, as a thousand bolts of invisible cable strings attach themselves to me, freezing me in place, my mind disconnects to the world around me as it focuses on the human. Everything in me has now become his. His eyes widen and his heart beats even quicker before he breaks his gaze away, snapping me out from my imprint induced haze, suddenly keeling over and vomiting near my shoes; he stops to fumble about wheezing and then passes out on the floor from all the consumption of alcohol.

My heart stops it pounding and calms itself, as I look at the mess on the floor. There's worry in my mind from watching my imprint on the ground, and then I snap out of it. I scowl as I feel a sudden rage boiling inside of me, feeling more hatred for my wolf and the bastards that cursed me with this now too; my emotions are tugging and pulling at me from every corner and nook inside me. **Imprint**, I have always hated that word, it ruined me and now I am suddenly '_gifted_' with this abomination. I spit out the bitterness I can feel, as I grasp my head pulling out strands of my hair. Wanting to bang my head onto something concrete to try and stop my mind inside from bursting, as it swirls in a vortex from its tugging to care for my imprint, to accept and be the slave, but I am not willing. I will never stoop this low, even if the pain of denying it kills me. My form bends as my breathing is now harsh, I can't seem to find any oxygen, my heart is now chained, how much more does it have to take, before it finally literally breaks? I shut my mind down, closing my eyes tight and willing all the thoughts away, I don't know how long it takes but I am finally calm.

I open my eyes slowly, standing up and then looking down at the ungraceful human, my mind whines as it whispers for me to get closer, to touch the male and hold him close, but I only look on to observe his form and ignore the voice. He seems like a strong individual with dark brown hair, pale skin, and has a rugged look to him. He is handsome, even while he looks like a drunkard; my eyes fall on his big hands and something shines out at me, there's a ring on his finger. I shake my head, trying to decide if I should accept the emotion crying out of me in pain, or laugh at my situation, I feel so bipolar. He is married. Maybe I have finally succumbed to madness. I finally decide to cackle at my fate, I snort out and my eyes blur with unshed tears; well, colour me green and fuck me sideward's! Looks like the imprint bitch has struck again. I keep looking around, thinking the shameless bitch will come out and tell me that I deserve this, that even now when I have imprinted it decided to fuck me over.

My hands clench shut tight, nails digging into my palm as I shake in anger and try not to phase out in the open, I can smell the blood that oozes down my palms from my harsh treatment. I glance to see if anyone is around, listening to any sounds of feet shuffling or heartbeats but there is none, and I wonder if I can get away with murder. Kill him before this imprint overtakes me, he's down and he won't even notice, murder this unknown male, my so called soul mate in cold blood. But just as the thought crosses my mind, it overtakes me as I snarl angrily at myself for thinking such heinous things. I am a protector, it says, and this is my imprint, my life. And once again I realize that the spirits hate me. Hadn't I made a promise that an imprint would never over rule me? Then why was I failing in keeping that promise and becoming its prey?

I run over to my car and quickly clamber in, shaking and wheezing as I grasp the wheel tight, my weary eyes drop to the window and to the ground, towards the grime and the male. There's one thing that crosses my mind as I try to overcome this insanity...

Jacob.

And my heart aches even more.

* * *

**Jacob POV**

They say that an imprint is a gift, to find your soul mate that was given to you by the spirits, a love so everlasting and powerful that binds you to that person, becoming anything for her. To please and protect her, all connections to previous people, no matter how important they were to you, become secondary and insignificant to that of the imprinted. But why then, is it that I can't seem to think of anything but Leah? Demanding Seth everyday for any answers, of where she could be. But her brother is loyal to her and he will never disclose anything to me even if he did know anything. She is clever when it comes to not wanting to let anyone know where she is; she becomes invisible. And now Seth is gone too, Leah fulfilled her promise of taking him, now I have no way to know where she could be, even her mother does not know where her children now reside. Has my imprint fluked out on me now that she is gone, and I have realized her importance? But if that's so, why does it still pain me to give Renesmee the importance that I should not be giving to another woman, how dare I think of another, it says to me, whispers it in my ear till the words dig into my brain, tormenting me for disrespecting my imprint.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxo

She sits watching me, as if I will run at any given moment, yet she knows that even if I wanted to, I can't. I am her prisoner. Her gaze tugs at the strings of my imprint, demanding the last bit of my innocent soul that craves for someone else, a specific someone that is no longer a threat to her, as she has left this immoral place that has given her nothing but pain; yet my imprint still thinks that the she-wolf will be back and is trying to assert her reigns on me. But I can't, I will not break this easy yet, that side is not for her and can never be for her, no matter how much she asks and seeks of it. I know Edward has told her everything that has been occurring in my drifting mind, the guy can't shut his gob about other people's business after all, and it is partly about me neglecting his daughter. That no good mind-raper.

It has been months since I last saw her face, Leah. When it came to her, I was always confused and conflicted, but I should have never over-clouded those emotions in me, as now I can feel nothing but heartbreak and regret. My heart screams at me for being so stupid, for not realizing it soon enough. It's hers and it always has been, but I was too slow to realize that, always running after Isabella, and now it's too late, she's left me, never coming back and I have no fight in me left. I am in a paradox, forever cursed, without her I am nothing.

I can not stop wishing and hoping, that she was still here besides me, scowling at me for being so weak and saying that imprinting was for pansies. Am I that hopeless that I can't even fight for my one true love? Did my ancestors stoop so low that they would make me imprint on a half-breed that was born from the girl that I had claimed to have loved with my once youthful mind, shifting it from mother to daughter? The complications of these relationships disgust me, but then the imprint blooms and takes away my true feelings, I am like a puppet following the strings that pull me to my master.

"Jakey, won't you come closer?" She irritates me as she pouts in a childish fit, breaking me out from my reverie but I guess it does fit her right; she is only 5 after all. No matter if she looks like a teenager now, oh how the imprint makes us fall so low.

What was I doing here anyway? Surrounded in the whiteness of the room overcrowding me, it looks more like a showroom than a home, there is no warm feeling just coldness from all the unconcealed wealth trapped in the room that is seeping into my skin. Something cold grazes my shoulder and I jump at the sudden sensation to my heated skin. I look up; it's Isabella another devil in disguise.

"Jake, didn't you hear what I said? We want you to come with us; we can't stay here any longer people will get suspicious when they realize that they are growing old yet we aren't."

"My father needs me," I reply back watching as a frustrated frown passes her face.

"Jake Nessie and _I_ need you; Billy has Rachel and all the pack to take care of him, there's nothing left worth here for you no more" She stresses out.

I freeze at her sudden proclamation, I feel sick to the stomach and something boils up inside me. I don't even realize that I am shaking in anger until I hear Renessme whimpering, and Edward suddenly appear in my view to move his wife away from me; all the while glaring. How dare she insinuate that my family were not important? My pack, my brother's, my tribe! Fair enough I already lost Leah, but what makes her think I will lose more people I care about just for her sake. I made so many mistakes for them; ignoring my father, always putting my pack in danger, nearly getting Leah killed; well she did die her heart had stopped beating for 10 whole minutes along with mine, until she finally took a breath and came back to existence. I thank god every day that the spirits hadn't taken her. I can't do this anymore, I want my Lee back.

"I am not leaving my life behind for anyone Bella, isn't it enough that I have given you all so much of me that now you want me to do this too. I've already told you before. No more, you can leave your father behind and choose this depraved life but I will not, I don't care anymore!" I growl out, I don't need all this anymore. My illusions are broken they are nothing but farce, trying to live a life that they are not even meant to. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I HATE THEM! For taking my life as if they were my master's ruling it to their needs.

I turn to walk away, and a tiny hand comes to grasp on to my arm clinging to me instantly. I know who it is; I don't even need to turn to her. The imprint is tugging at me, trying to placate me in not leaving my imprint like this; it hurts so much as if my soul is being ripped to shreds listening to her pitiful wailing.

"Jacoobb wait!" She cries.

But I only just shake her off and run out the house.

My thoughts are all over the place as the pull grows stronger, trying to heave me back, sending me images of Renessme to the front of my mind; anything. This is torture, it's killing me making me wheeze in a harsh breath in misery and I instantly phase ripping my clothes to shreds.

The packs thoughts are swarming in my mind as I come to my surroundings pushing my heavy paws with effort, but I try to ignore them and the increasing pain, the only thing that is keeping me stable is the wolf inside me, he is finally happy, but my human side that is another story; it rips at my heart trying to make me go insane as I howl to the wind around me in anguish.

There's one thing that crosses my mind as I try to overcome this insanity...

Leah.

And the imprint wrench's its cable wires deeper, trying to stick it's thorn on my soul again, I tumble down on the ground, losing sight and crashing into trees head first. Unconscious.

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AN: Well it's not much but I do hope y'all like it… Sorry for the lateness again. **Oh and I didn't get this chapter BETA'd, so please forgive me for my mistakes… Hope y'all have a wonderful valentines, and for all those who are single like me, party hard! Please review and follow… x**


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